What’s In My Bag: The Honest Edition

One of the most popular posts amongst fashion and beauty bloggers is ‘What’s In My Bag’, where fabulous bloggers show off their beautiful handbags and the delightful objects that they carry around in them.

I really enjoy these posts, mainly because I’m a horribly nosey person, but one thing has always sprung to my mind while reading them – ‘reaaaaaaaaaaaaally?’ Because my bag simply does not look like any of your bags, let me tell you. Your bags are all neat and tidy, filled with iPads and Cath Kidston notebooks and maybe a brush for when a hair goes stray, which of course it never will do because you’re all so perfect! Weep. But really – where are your old bus tickets? Where are the abandoned hair grips? Where oh where are your tampons (I don’t want you to actually show me them, but you get my point)? So I thought I would do a completely honest portrayal of what is really in my bag. I warn you now: it’s not pretty or glamorous. Proceed if you must.

First, we’ll start with my bag. This was bought from Topshop in Cardiff last August, and ticked all the boxes an everyday bag needed for me – big enough, cream, strap options and leopard print. DONE. If you’re wondering what the brown patches are, no that is not a fake tan disaster (for once) – the hair-like stuff is coming off. I know right! A leopard can’t change its spots but apparently it’ll bloody go bald on you. This unfortunately means a new day-to-day handbag is on the ‘to-buy’ list, sob sob. Now onto the contents…

Purse: Not a huge amount to say about this. My beloved Marc B purse broke and this was my cheap Primark replacement, my rebound purse if you will. Like all good rebounds, it seemed like a good idea at the time but actually just reminds me of my ex through its flaws. You are no Marc B, Primark, no Marc B at all.

Drugs: Basically, you never know when a headache is going to strike you down. And yes, what I mean by that is that you never know when you might be accidentally hungover, so it’s always good to have supplies on you while you’re at work. That’s just professional.

Water: Because I heard hydration was pretty trendy right now.

Random selection of makeup: These are obviously makeup bits that I’ve thrown into my bag before leaving the house (with the intention of doing my nails on the bus or something, probably) and then forgotten to take out. I definitely thought I had lost that Barry M lip gloss, so it’s nice to see that it’s still alive.

Hip flask:  Right, I know this doesn’t look great after the hangover comments, but I would like to assure you that this is not an everyday item for me. The almost equally bad reason that this is in my bag is because me and my friends went out for drinks after work last week, and I thought that sneaking some extra alcamahol in a hip flask was a great trampy thrifty idea. And, yeah, I haven’t actually taken it out of my bag since so there are probably still dregs of vodka in that. I think that’s actually possibly worse, isn’t it?

Incense sticks: Last weekend, Lauren went to London and kindly bought me some incense sticks back as a gift to cheer me up. I was extremely grateful as I’ve been meaning to buy some for ages, and vowed to light some up as soon as I got home. They are still in my bag. Sorry, Lauren, this does not mean that I don’t like them!

Britney perfume: A teeny bottle of cheap and cheerful perfume for the occasional spritz throughout the day. All of you walking round with full-sized bottles of Chanel, are you mad?! What if you accidentally throw your bag into a canal (it happens), or a fat man sits next to you on the train and squashes it? Play it safe like me.

False nails x 3: Sometimes, when a false nail pings off and I don’t have any glue on me, I’ll pop it into my bag to stick back on later. By the looks of things here, we have a pinky, an index and a thumb. Evidently I never got round to sticking these back on; maybe because I realised that it was disgusting.

Hairbrush: I use this to brush my hair.

Flump wrappers (empty of Flumps): I’m a busy girl and so like to keep a few snacks on me for when I get peckish. I think we should see these wrappers as symbols of my environmentally-friendly nature; I’m no litter bug, I just put my rubbish in my handbag and carry it around with me for several days. Woo, save the whale!

So, ‘fess up – do any of your bags actually look a little more like mine? Or am I just a terrible excuse for a human being?